3.1.14

Calvary Love

 I walked home with the book If (by Amy Carmichael) and promptly forgot about it during the festive week that followed. When I finally began school again and made the time to intently focus on a real book - I found it not only intense, but confusing and frustrating.

I realized I definitely wasn't on Amy Carmichael's level of thinking. She mused that if she didn't love someone, she knew nothing of "Calvary love" in light of God's amazing pity and love for her.

As I thought about it, I'm not even worried about loving people right now. I realized with an absolutely sinking heart that I shouldn't even be worrying about loving other people - that isn't really a problem for me - it's loving God. If it's a huge a problem if one doesn't to love people because of God's amazing love - it's an even bigger problem if one doesn't love God because of God's amazing love.

Follow me?

Sure, I do everything right and I've been officially labeled as a walking angel on earth by ignorant people who've been hopelessly charmed by perfect self (although I'm not on the level of personal blessing, Bailey!) - but anyone can go through the motions and still miss out on just simply loving God.

Christianity is such the norm for me - that it's almost complacent. I'm a sinner (yup), God is love (double yup), I'm saved through the death and resurrection of the Son of God (triple yup)...

I've known that forever.

I discovered - it was rather shocking - that I had totally forgotten who I was and am and just who God is.

I made a crude little sketch of how the bible described me (it wasn't pretty) before my life was intercepted by "God's pity". Under the box I labeled "insert God's pity" I renamed all my faults.

Where I was ruined - I became fulfilled.
When I was dust - I became a child of God.
When I was stained scarlet - I was washed white as snow.
When I was unworthy - I was worthy through Christ's righteousness.

The contrast was stark - how did I miss it? I rather sat looking at my chicken-scratch notes in total bewilderment and annoyance (annoyance at once again forgetting something so obvious).  

I definitely decided, after compiling that list, that if  I still was not rejoicing and loving God, then I obviously knew nothing of Calvary love.

But thankfully, I was completely awestruck and excited. A.k.a - back in focus. Thank heavens.

And I should've thanked God for sticky-notes today. Since apparently nothing else stays in my brain.

2 comments:

  1. I love being excited and awestruck because of God's love. The only problem is that I guess I don't get excited enough. It's my fault. I just forget to really THINK about what God did for me.

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  2. I found my copy of Amy Carmichael's "If" in a box of books that were given to the Bible college I attended. The cover is worn and taped back on and the pages are yellow but from the first statement it drew me in and convicted me clear down to my hypocritical heart. It definitely is a book worth having! Glad to hear someone else enjoyed learning from it as well!

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