22.1.13

My 5,000


It may be in the back of a stuffy car, during the intermission of a ballet, sitting around a group of friends, peering down from a sky-high bridge, or sitting on my bed biting my fingernails - I get this feeling. It's similar to the aftereffects of being punched in the stomach or feeling like you're going to be sick.

Overwhelmed. I get so overwhelmed when I see the world. Even just a little neighborhood in my town or a group of a few friends. I feel like crawling in a hole when I realize it's virtually impossible to reach these people.

I hate feeling helpless.

Oh, God -- I need you! I whisper it over and over again. Suddenly, it seems the world is thrown at me and I wonder, why? Why was I chosen? Why did God choose me? Why do I know the truth? Doesn't He know that I CAN'T do anything?

How on earth can I ever fulfill the purpose I'm given?

There was a ginormous crowd who had spent the day without any food. Needless, to say, they were hungry. Starving, more like it

The disciples threw up their arms and told Jesus that He should tell the people go away and find food for themselves.

I found it interesting how Jesus simply stated that they should stay. That seemed irrational...

But then He said, "you give them something to eat". (Matt 14:16)\

The Disciples: We...only have five loaves and two fish...

Jesus: bring them here, to me.

It was pretty amazing. 5,000 people plus women and children fed off five loaves and two fish.

Contrasted:

Me: God, I only have myself and You know how ridiculous that is...it's just not possible...

Bring them here...to Me... 

I remind God that I've only got myself - (and that's pretty miserable) - and there's no way that I can help anybody.

We're told to give ourselves to God. I'm just as uninteresting and unsatisfying as five loaves and two fish are to 5,000 hungry people. But given the touch of the Master - anything can happen.

I unclench my fists, and relax my shoulders...I throw everything that I'd been carrying and worrying about, and I drop all the prayers of misery that were on the tip of my tongue - and I simply go to Him...I don't need to say anything, to pray an amazing prayer, to prepare myself in anyway - I simply go, and His touch is enough. He is enough. He is enough to transform and to spread one person in any way He chooses.

Oh, we're all pretty pathetic dried-up packages of smelly fish - yet we're the ones that feed the world. Not on our strength or our perfection - but on His alone.

Listening to ////
I'm Singing by Kari Jobe on Grooveshark

2 comments:

  1. Thank you, sweet girl. I can related completely. Open your mouth- that's the lesson I've been learning. That phrase is all over Acts. God uses us, and he does it by opening our mouths to speak his Gospel. Grace to you

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  2. I love Kari Jobe...her songs inspire me so much.

    Great post, girlie ! :) LOVE YOU

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