14.5.12

when you really don't want to

I'm sitting in bed, and my alarm clock is reading 8:30. My brain keeps prodding me to get out of my fluffy yellow quilt, and my eyes are begging to close for just five more minutes. I get up. I pull my hair in this hairdo I called a bun, and slip into a random outfit I wasn't bothering to look at. Downstairs, I empty the dishwasher, grab my bowl of cold oatmeal (I don't like it hot or warm) and sit down. My mind whirls with what I need to do. Random graphic designing, piano, and I also need to study for that wretched science test, and I can't forget my essay...and somewhere on my desk is a note I need to send to someone.

50% of the time, I end up falling asleep doing school or playing piano until my fingers fall off. And then I realize...

I didn't even talk to God today. Except for reading through the old testament, I haven't even read the bible. I didn't even think about Him.

It's frustrating, and then I feel obligated to read my bible - but then I feel guilty, because I know I don't want to - so I might as well not read it. And by the time I've come to that conclusion, I have to make lunch. Or clean up the lunch dishes because I missed lunch. Or chase the cat out of my precious garden which he prefers to use as his litter box.

So, what do you do when you don't want to? Sit down and do it? Ignore it? Feel guilty until you can't even eat anything because it's so bothersome?

And folks, I haven't really got this grand solution. I don't really have a solution at all. So - this is open for discussion. Thoughts, anyone?

7 comments:

  1. Ouch....I was about to start my day without spending time with God. *facepalm*

    I don't have anything figured out, but one thing I'm noticing: It's good to have discipline. It's good to start the morning out with focus. Maybe some random person came up with the rules to morning devotions, but he was right about how important it was. I don't skip devotions when I'm walking with the Lord; when my gaze wanders from Jesus, the first thing to go is time spent with Him.

    All that to say, this is (or should be) really important to me.

    And I say do it -- whenever, wherever. That guilt can easily be forgiven by confession and repentance. He is always so gracious to meet me where I'm at, to blow me away with His goodness and faithfulness, even when I've miserably failed. TODAY is the day of salvation...RIGHT NOW. So go for it.

    Like I need to do....thanks, Bethany, for this timely reminder.

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  2. My thought is to still do it, even though you don't feel like it.

    I have that happen with prayer, and I don't really feel like doing it. When I start to do it, consistently, though I don't want too, I start doing it for different reasons (meaning, that I want too....).

    Besides, we know we have to pray, rejoice, etc. because the Bible tells us so. Does that mean that we just shouldn't do those things because we don't want too or don't feel like it?

    No.

    What do you think of what I said?

    -Bethany

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  3. @ Bailey - I agree...even if I'm still half asleep in the morning. ;D

    @ Bethany - I couldn't agree more! You made a valid point there towards the end.

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  4. Ok, I've really been thinking about this. Way to distract me from speechwriting. So more random Bailey thoughts...........

    You know, I don't think God's ever honored with rote obedience: "Oh, boo, I have to get up and go do devotions now....." But the solution isn't to abandon the pursuit of God but to press inward and ask Him to give you that desire...even if you don't "feel" it. If you make the effort and want that effort to be genuine and take it directly to God, He's going to come through for you. I don't think I'd do devotions without confessing my lack of excitement and asking Him to remove the heart of stone and replace it with a heart a flesh, a heart sensitive to His Spirit. Reading the Word or praying "just because" isn't truly seeking Him...but seeking Him during the downy dumps is very honoring.

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  5. Stick to it. I know it makes you feel bad when you don't WANT to do it, but that's better than not doing it all. And hey, who knows? You will probably end up learning something in devotions, or your attitude will completely change. It's really rare that I'll actually want to read my Bible in the morning, but once I'm started and when I finish, I'm so glad I did it. Hope that makes sense...

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  6. This is definitely something I struggle with. "I'm too busy," but usually we just don't want to. :(

    We have to "feed" that desire, by reading just a verse, or praying just five minutes. It's so hard!

    It's still something I need to work on. :( You can do it, Bethany!

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  7. Ack! Way to ruin my day. Sometimes I just don't feel like spending time with my Savior, which I know is wrong- I can quote verbatim every reason why not, but it is only when I beg God to change my heart that things happen, that He opens my eyes to His truth and a desire for His word.

    Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off for some confession and repentance.....

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