10.1.12

it gets on my nerves

It, meaning myself. The worst part about myself is that I can't leave myself when I get frustrated with it. If I'm upset with a person, my plan of action is to leave the room and bang on the piano, read a book, design a blog, until I cool off and can approach that person in love.

Heh. Doesn't work with me. Fact, it doesn't often work with others either. I shocked myself the other day after a sibling quarrel, and how angry I was. I think I scared my younger siblings by my sudden burn out. I'm pretty laid back. Normally. I can hold my anger. Smooth over the lumps. Forgive. But there's basically one thing that gets me upset to point of blowing up.

Me.

Either I do something ridiculous and hate myself for it, or someone does something that shows how ridiculous I am. Really Bethany! I could (and would) cut you down to size if it didn't hurt so much. Life doesn't work very well if you hate yourself. Give me someone who would shoot me at sight instead of myself, and I'd be fine. Ah, well, my oddities and drawbacks have been my constant companion for 14 years and 265 days, I should be used to it now...

And yet I'm not. Never will be (I hope I won't ever enjoy my faults), and so I've come to the conclusion, that Someone Else will have to be the One I can rely on.

And your thoughts?

5 comments:

  1. I definitely think that the quickest way to despair is to concern oneself with oneself. If we focus on searching out the depths of God's heart instead of our own, we will both draw closer to Christ and draw away from our sinfulness.

    Double whammy. Win-win. Case closed.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Yeah, I know. I have tried to explain to people how while I am very angry, it is not with them. That doesn't work so well most of the time.

    You have my deepest sympathy.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Ack, I've been struggling with how I RESPOND to problems et cetra. - Don't we all wish that we could "..leave the room and bang on the piano, read a book, design a blog, until I cool off and can approach that person in love." Seems it never turns out that way.

    I need some work in that area.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I agree. I'd be way too made at myself and annoyed if it hadn't been for Jesus.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Phew...I thought it was just me. ;)

    ReplyDelete

Considering commenting? Don't be shy - I'd love to hear from you!