Really quick randomness

Guys. ^^This is my life summed up in one photo: bad lighting, late nights, baby carriers, and borderline content two-month-olds.

Ah. Working at home has been SO MUCH FUN (despite my first package getting lost in the mail thanks to the USPS.) The only plus about losing that very important package was that I had a delightful conversation with "Bill". I'm now one of those crazy mother's so starved for adult interaction, that I count it exciting when I get to talk to another human...even if it's a United States Postal Service Representative. *facepalm*

Aidan put school on hold in order to work more. It's been wonderful having him home more often, and Ella is so tickled that daddy is here during the day sometimes (they have hilarious "conversations" together!) She's still a grump though, don't let her fool you!

Ah, yes. Baby Ella. She is quite interactive now and I can hear her shrieks all the way from another room! She loves to listen to music and thinks it's hilarious when I "dance" along. She giggled for the first time in her sleep (while nursing) and it was probably the most heart-melting moment I've ever witnessed in my entire life! *sobs uncontrollably*

And well. I've been messing around with graphics again, and I forgot how much I love it. I especially love creating little buttons to go with my FB promo posts for my new biz. SO. MUCH. FUN.

Well, I'm starving and my baby is asleep...so I'm going to take advantage of this moment and eat something. Sorry for the randomness.

~ Bethany


I Started a Home Biz!

LADY: Have you heard of that crazy wrap thing?
ME: Nope. Can I get you a fudge sample now? 
ALSO ME: Wait. Did she just call me fat?
And that is how my adventure with It Works technically began. Three years ago on a boring afternoon at the candy store. I actually blogged about it HERE!!

Fast forward to 2016. Aidan gets this message from a random gal thanking him for his service as a cop (he's not a cop. yet.) I teased Aidan about it and continued on with my day, until found out he was STILL messaging this same random gal! Like. What the heck? (I may or may not have gone all pyscho wifey on him.) Turns out, they were talking about ME and what a great girl I would be working at home with...It Works. Yep. That crazy wrap thing all over again!

I'm sorry, what? Let me think about it...eh. no. I really dislike salespeople of any sort, and I block all those endless Facebook product posts. I mean, they get in the way of the funny cat videos, you know? :)

So yeah. I said no. Annnnnnd I was LEGIT pregnant at the time, so just the thought of doing anything was exhausting.
(p.s. probably best to note that you should start a business while you're pregnant instead waiting until after the baby. *coughs*)

Now, I live at home with a baby and I usually go no where because we only have one car. BORING. Here we are taking out loans just to help with rent because my husband is in school full-time and can only work a part-time job. Oh, and have you seen diaper prices? TBH, Aidan was probably my biggest cheerleader and kept telling me to go for it because I'm a super negative person when it comes to things outside my comfort zone. It took me four months, but my girlfriend's success with the biz and the awesome product reviews finally won me over. Sign me up, baby.

...and you know what happened? I'm actually excited about it. I want to throw a wrap party and post annoying product posts. Which leads me to I think that I have a brain tumor, because happy saleslady is totally unnatural for me. I'm probably more akin to a delusional Maria from The Sound of Music. The I have confidence in sunshine, type.
(although just between us, I have cried the past three nights from stress...but I was also sick and living on two hours of sleep...so who knows.)

I'm hoping It Works really does work for me! I know of ladies who have amazing stories with their #ItWorksJourney and I'm almost *100%* sure that I'm just as capable, too! (right?) Pluuuuus, I'm secretly pleased to have an excuse to buy some awesome products I never would have before because I'm frugal and boring.

So, if you totally want to make my day, head on over to my independent distributor site and check out some of these fab products just for kicks. And if you're interested, you can follow me on Facebook for more It Works jabber + 1,000,000 baby photos, too. February 1st I'm going live with my lovely Hawaiian Diamond Leader to launch my biz! HOOROAR.
Annnnd there may or may not be a little giveaway coming up soon, so... *wink, wink* 

P.S. I'm writing part of this while nursing (I KNOW, I DIDN'T KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE!!) but my one arm is officially dying a slow painful death, so I'm just gonna stop now, y'all.

P.P.S. See what I mean. I love Ella's dead hand in this picture. And maybe this makes me a bad mom, but she sleeps better with a blanket over her head. o_0


Finding Myself

In the span of less than two years, I've become a wife and a mother with no absolutely no background experience. People say you'll be a great wife or a great parent, but honestly, the truth is you'll be na├»ve wife and a tolerably insane parent because you literally have no idea what you are doing. Nothing can prepare you until you have to love through an argument or watch a baby suck 500 calories out of your tired body day after day after day. I say this because I live on cereal and chicken nuggets.

I feel very strongly about staying at home with my babe, but at the same time...I sorta hate it. Just hear me out before you gasp in disbelief. Ever since we moved and I become a mother, I realized my life was nothing like how it was before. My daily schedule no longer revolves around school or work, and the majority of my social interactions are with a two month old baby who doesn't even know her name! I no longer have access to a piano, I have no time for spontaneous creativity (unless I feel like making that a yearly project), and kudos to me if I have enough time/energy to make burnt GRILLED CHEESE SANDWICHES.
(just kidding. I like the excuse of cooking simple meals since I absolutely loathe cooking and dishes.)

My calendar has about three things written down for one month and my nearby friends are the random guys Aidan brings home from school or work. Since video games and ghost pepper challenges aren't really "my thing" I'll just label them as acquaintances who know me as "the wife" (who occasionally comes out of hiding to grab a glass of water.)

I had so much talent (if I say so myself) in various departments. I could've gone on to nursing since I had my CNA degree, or studied at the university downtown for music. Instead, I cry on the couch because I haven't slept in three days, my baby is pooping green poop and crying unless she's nursing 24/7. Oh, and the never-ending laundry is five days old and still unfolded. Believe me, there is nothing more heinous in my mind than staring at unfolded laundry helplessly for a week. Ask my husband.

Now don't get me wrong. We had a mutual agreement on Aidan's career change. I knew I wouldn't see him a lot and that we'd have more of a struggle financially. It took me a while to be okay telling the Walmart cashier I had to scan a foodshare card and it's a hassle constantly keeping track of loans, car schedules, and denied healthcare claims. I guess I owe myself an, "I told you so!" for how stressful and lonely everything turned out to be while school is in session.

All of this has been tumbling through my brain this first month of motherhood and it seriously put a damper on my precious little tater tot and the joys of being a mom. I felt absolutely guilty for disliking my new life as a 24/7 mom, because I really do love my baby to death. I have no regrets about Ella - I just really hate being a mom sometimes! Out of all the baby hype, I had yet to meet an honest mother who felt the same way (if such other mothers exist? Or maybe I'm just an exceptionally bad, ungrateful mom?) Plus, the lady at the mall told me I was waaaaay to young for a baby.

My emotional bubble finally popped one night as Ella slept (finally!) and I spent a good hour crying my eyeballs out while Aidan listened to my tale of woe. Who am I, besides just a wife? Or just another tired mother doing boring chores all day and every day? How have I become such an annoying killjoy who's biggest concern is the dirty dishes in the sink and clipping diaper coupons? I hate, hate, hate this new person I've become!

To be honest, I haven't found the answer yet. I'm working on that. But I've started to make small victories by learning how to balance my passions with my new fulltime job as a mother. I think I'm starting to understand "baby language" a little better, and Ella has begun to find a life outside of mommy's everlasting arms. :) Obviously, I will never go to school for music or nursing, but I've started plans to make some extra money and maybe save up for a piano so I can continue my passion of playing and teaching.

As for finding joy, I think I'm realizing that anyone can be a good mother - joylessly - but I need to start finding joy in something besides life itself. Perhaps that's a no-brainer to you, but motherhood was my pinnacle of perfection and it turned out to be disappointing and unfulfilling. Not that it isn't wonderful, but my human nature reaches the top of the mountain and sees everything else I don't have and now something else has to be my perfect "someday" dream. So yeah, I've learned that life is always going to be unfulfilling so I need to start looking towards the one thing that's supposed to fill this joyful void I have. And I know full well it isn't the perfect profession, perfect family, or perfect husband.

My goal for this new year is to find joy and contentment and that probably involves a deep-cleaning revamp with my spiritual life. Because I admit, I have yet to balance God in the mix of being a wife and a mother. And while I'm working on that, I also need to get back into what makes me me instead of losing myself in the cloud of depression and baby blues.

I really am blessed with a wonderful husband and a stinking adorable baby, and we're doing just fine despite our odd circumstances at the moment. I just nee to get this negativity off my chest and start over again. Or as my eight year old self would say, "try, try, again."

In fact, I'm proudly typing this while holding my chubby babe who is probably going to spit up all over the keyboard in a second. But we're gonna be okay. :)